The Art of Self-Empathy

Practical advice for workplace wellbeing

The Off Record, On Point podcast recently spoke with Ferne McCann, TV personality and founder of wellbeing app, Shoorah. Ferne brought a wonderful energy to the show, but the thing that stood out the most was her speaking on going through a terrible time in the public eye, unable to control the things that were causing her stress and hurt. The self care and inner work practices that Shoorah provides, like meditation, mood tracking, affirmations and virtual talk therapy are exactly the tools needed to help with that sort of situation. And it got me thinking on self-empathy, actively practising being kind to myself, and how far my own mental health journey has come.

Throughout my life, I’ve struggled with my mental health quite severely. Thanks to the work environment I’ve found myself in here at The Digital Voice™ for the last two years, I finally feel like I have the tools and the words to talk to myself with kindness, without the constant fear of failure, self-scrutiny, or need for external validation. It takes a lot to pat myself on the back and say ‘you’re doing well’, but I’m proud to say I now do it on the regular.

Being kind to yourself isn’t a fix-all by any means. But the most important thing I’ve learned in the last few years is that everything passes with time. By practising self-empathy, you can arm yourself with the knowledge and practices you need to get through the hard times, and the space to heal and accept negative feelings. 

Self-empathy begins with acknowledging and validating our own emotions. It's about treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would offer to someone else if they were feeling the way we do. Criticism and pressure are common in the workplace, but with self-empathy, we can face these external stressors and understand they aren’t reflections of us as people and learn to navigate these strains on our mental health without carrying them all as burdens.

Practical Self-Care for the Workplace

It’s easy to picture the world as black and white, made up of people who don’t struggle with their mental health and people who do. But the reality is far more grey; everyone struggles from time to time to some degree. The simple practices below are golden – no matter what you’re going through, you’ll benefit from them in some way.

Mindfulness moments

Take moments throughout your day to check in with yourself. Notice your thoughts and feelings, and allow yourself to feel them without criticising yourself. Reflect on what made you feel that way, and then you can seek to make space to get away from the cause if it’s negative, or embrace it if it’s positive.

Instead of taking criticisms as personal failures or dwelling on negative feedback, look at them as opportunities for growth. Your performance does not equate to your self-worth.

Use words of kindness

When a friend is going through pain, I’m sure you offer words of encouragement and kindness. Remember to speak to yourself in the same way – you deserve that same kindness too. You are deserving of compassion.

Set realistic expectations

The last place you need additional pressure from is yourself. Reflect on what is achievable and set goals that recognise your limitations, and boundaries that encourage others to recognise them too. Imperfection is part of the human experience, and no one worth listening to is expecting you to be perfect except yourself. Celebrate every moment of progress, no matter how small. 

Make time after hours to wind down

No matter the pressures of your workload, you shouldn’t have to bring them home with you. Self-care should continue at home, with time for whatever brings you joy and helps you wind down the most.

It may well be flopping in front of Netflix, but after a long day in front of a computer screen, there’s a lot of value in doing something relaxing offline. Perhaps it's exercise – yoga, the gym, taking a long walk – or cooking from scratch. Journaling, meditation, and creative hobbies are great too. Whatever works!

Set boundaries to prevent burnout

Burnout happens to most of us, but it can be negated with self-care activities such as taking breaks, practising relaxation techniques and setting boundaries with those around you. For more on burnout and how to avoid it before it starts, read Burned Down, But Not Out, our complete guide. 

Foster a culture of self-empathy at work

If you find your place of work lacks in wellbeing support, consider talking to your team or manager to see if something can be put in place. A work environment built around psychological safety can be the difference between handling stress and breaking down, no matter how much pressure you’re under.

Ask for your employer to provide resources or mental health support – such as the Shoorah app’s business suite, which is what we use. It provides the whole team with private accounts for their own wellbeing practices, around the clock so we can use it as needed.

Seek support when you need it

Self-care isn’t a solve-all, and although it helps us understand our feelings better and eases off the pressures of ordinary life, it’s important to recognise there are times when more help is needed. Don’t hesitate to reach out when it is. That could come in the form of confiding in a trusted colleague, friend or family member, accessing mental health resources, or seeking professional guidance.

We all need someone to listen sometimes and guide us so our thoughts don’t become negative cycles that actively do us harm. Therapy is not just for people in crisis – it’s helpful for everyone. 

This too shall pass

Whatever you’re going through, remember that all emotions, good and bad, are transient. They pass with time. By practising self-empathy and patience with your mental health, you can weather the storms and emerge stronger. 

To find out more about the Shoorah app, and Ferne’s own mental health journey – as well as some of her all important tips and advice – be sure to catch up on the brand new season of Off Record, On Point on Youtube or any of your favourite podcast platforms.

Finally, whatever you do today, I hope you find a moment to do something kind for yourself. You are deserving of it just as much as anyone else.